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Two Ways to Help Kids Build Food Allergy-Related Self-Esteem

5/22/2019

Image Credit: Pixabay (Geralt)

We're all familiar with the term self-esteem, but it can be hard to describe it in a concrete manner.

In the simplest of terms, self-esteem is a positive sense of self. Having self-esteem often fuels confidence, pride, belief in self, a sense of belonging, and a positive self-image. Kids with poor self-esteem tend to be more self-critical, focus on perceived failures, doubt their abilities, and believe they don't measure up to their peers.

Per psychologist Dr. Paul Foxman, we develop self-esteem in two ways:

Positive input from primary caregivers that is then internalized
Experiences of success, mastery and competency

The first point probably seems like common sense. When parents and caregivers acknowledge and celebrate a child's accomplishments, as well as their values and choices, it helps the development of positive self-talk within the child.

At first glance, the second point may also seem like common sense, but let's dig a little deeper to explore how parental fear may inadvertently become a factor in the development of a child's self-esteem relating to their ability to self-manage their food allergy.

TWO WAYS TO HELP KIDS DEVELOP FOOD ALLERGY-RELATED SELF-ESTEEM:

Provide Opportunities to Learn Food Allergy Skills From a Young AgeBecause many kids are diagnosed with their food allergy at very young ages, the parents/caregivers are responsible for the child's safety. But when it comes to self-management of food allergies, kids need to begin learning these skills from a young age (in age-appropriate ways). Just as they learn developmental skills such as walking and talking, food allergy management skills should truly be taught as commonly as any other life skills parents teach their kids.

It may seem easier to do things for them as long as possible. You may choose to carry their epinepherine for them because they're a forgetful 9 year old. But all that does is deprive them of opportunities to master these skills and develop confidence, both which impact food allergy-related self-esteem. If you continue to do or complete tasks for them, they will simply end up being a 16 year old that forgets their epinepherine.

Many times, when parents continue to do things for their kids instead of modeling and allowing for practice (which includes mistakes), it's either because they're uncomfortable relinquishing control, or because they're underestimating their child's abilities. These reasons tend to be fueled by the the fear of what will happen if you're not in charge of everything. If you find yourself resisting the idea of passing more food allergy responsibility over to your child, honestly ask yourself:
- Am I resisting due to my own fear of the "what ifs"?
- Do I believe my child is capable of learning to be responsible for their safety? If not, why?
- How can I learn to deal with potential mistakes, which are common when kids are learning new skills?

Focus on Strengths - Especially When Mistakes Are Made
Sometimes, it's too easy to focus on what your child didn't do well. Phrases like "Don't do it like that" or "Just let me do it for you" roll off the tongue too easily for many parents, typically due to their own lack of patience or frustration tolerance. But the reality is that as kids are learning new skills, they're going to make mistakes and initially, may not accomplish these tasks very well.

Since one way kids develop good self-esteem relates to positive input from parents/caregivers, it's important to focus on strengths whenever possible. That doesn't mean simply saying "Good job" or handing out tons of empty praise. Rather, focus on the process of their skill development, and compliment them on their efforts.

Maybe an elementary-aged child misses a key ingredient while learning to read labels. A response such as "I see you took your time reading that label, which is wonderful! But let's go back and read it together, just to be sure" would be interpreted more positively than one such as "You have to be sure to read labels better, or else you could have a reaction!" which may be fueled by the parent's own fear of "what if".

A high schooler may forget his epinepherine because he was rushing out the door to get to school. You could say "We've been telling you since you were little that you have to bring your epinepherine with you everywhere! Why can't you seem to remember that?!" or you could get the same underlying meaning across with a strengths-based message, such as "You're so great at remembering your football gear every day for practice after school. What can you do to remember your epinepherine like that daily?" Focus your responses on what they ARE doing well, or connect it with strengths of theirs that, when applied, may help them master their food allergy management skills.

Remember....kids that develop confidence in managing food allergies become adults who are able to navigate life with food allergies. The opportunities you allow and approach you take to teaching them food allergy management skills directly impacts their self-esteem and internal self-talk about their ability to handle food allergy-related situations.

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Food Allergy Awareness Week Day 7: Food Allergy Mental Health Worksheet

5/18/2019

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Day 7: PDF Worksheet To Use or Share!

Today marks the end of Food Allergy Awareness Week 2019. I've covered a lot within the last seven days, including the following topics (in case you've missed any):

Day 1: Navigating Food Allergy Support Groups
Day 2: Your Food Allergy Mindset (Determining Yours)
Day 3: Food Allergy Thinking Traps (Challenging Faulty Thoughts)
Day 4: Resources to Help with Food Allergy-Related Anxiety (All Ages)
Day 5: Problem-Solving/Decision-Making When Fear is Present
Day 6: Fighting Food Allergy Fear With Facts
Day 7: Food Allergy Mental Health Worksheet/PDF (below)

Day 7 leaves you with a hands-on PDF worksheet to help you explore your Food Allergy Mindset. Many don't typically even stop to consider their automatic beliefs or how their mindset impacts feelings and actions. This activity is useful for adults and teens, and can even be adapted to use with older elementary kids (with a parent's help). It can be used for personal benefit, distributed at food allergy support group meetings, or even used during therapy sessions. (Visit the Worksheets Section for this and other worksheets).

So this officially means that it's the last daily food allergy mental health tip! But don't worry; there's always new posts/info popping up on the Food Allergy Counselor blog and frequent updates/additions made to the Food Allergy Mental Health Resource page.

Plus, there's NEW content coming....
stay tuned for more on that soon!

Thanks for reading these daily tips and for following the Food Allergy Counselor, Tamara Hubbard, MA, LCPC!

As always, feedback is a gift. If you'd like to share feedback on these FAAW tips, the Food Allergy Counselor Directory, or anything else, please don't hesitate to reach out - I look forward to hearing from you!

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Food Allergy Awareness Week Day 6: Fight Food Allergy Fears

5/17/2019

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Day 6: Fight Food Allergy Fears w/Facts

(If sharing this image, please be sure the logo is visible and The Food Allergy Counselor and/or Tamara Hubbard, LCPC are credited)

Fear is a present-oriented basic emotion that typically occurs as a response to a real or perceived danger/threat. Threats can be from:

Current situations that are perceived as dangerous or distressing
Disturbing thoughts, feelings, or memories occurring inside of you

Fear is often associated with a sudden onset of central nervous system changes, such as rapid heart rate, elevated blood pressure, breathlessness or dizziness. Additionally, when someone feels fear, they're typically more hyper-focused on the things which elicit the fear. Fear is a perfectly normal and adaptive emotion under most circumstances, as it can motivate and prepare someone to fight or flee a dangerous situation. However, when fear increases to levels which negatively impact daily life, is present in the absence of threats, or causes excessive avoidance behaviors, it's no longer a healthy level of fear. Constant elevated levels of fear can throw even the most limber person off-balance!

When managing food allergies, real and perceived threats pop up often, sometimes daily. Additionally, it's common to be thinking about potential food allergy threats even when not currently dealing with one. So what can people do to help tame and manage food allergy fears?

One Tool To Fight Food Allergy Fears Is...KNOWLEDGE!

Is it truly that simple - knowledge takes care of food allergy fears? No. However, knowledge is an important tool in the Food Allergy Fear Tool Kit individuals and families need to build in order to fight back against and ultimately manage fear levels.

Other crucial tools needed in the Food Allergy Fear Tool Kit:

Psycho-education to develop an understanding of anxiety and fear
Self-monitoring skills to gain insight into thoughts, feelings, behaviors
Thought-reframing techniques (i.e. thought challenging, self-talk, reality testing)
Problem-solving skills to navigate tough scenarios and decisions
Relaxation skills for moments of intense emotion effecting both mind/body

For the purpose of this article, let's focus on building your knowledge tool. One caveat that needs to be made about this tool is that you want to be sure that it is formed primarily with material that is evidenced-based in nature. That is, the information comes from reputable sources within the food allergy community, such as allergists, healthcare professionals, or well-respected food allergy organizations or groups. (While information gleaned from health support groups can be valuable, it's best to confirm information with your personal allergist and evidence-based resources).

Below are four links to information addressing common fear-producing topics, as well as a general list of reputable food allergy information sources.

Fear of Actual Use of Epinepherine: This Twitter thread from Dr. George du Toit explores the concept of patients electing to practice self-administration of their epinepherine autoinjector at their allergist's office as a means to decrease/demystify the fear surrounding what it might feel like. (This practice can be very empowering. Discuss/plan with your personal allergist).
Random Hives - Are They from Exposure to an Allergen?: Dr. Dave Stukus shared a handy chart during a food allergy Twitter chat that explains the main factors and timing to help determine if hives are food allergy-related or not.
When and For What Symptoms to Use Epinepherine: Even with the Emergency Action Plan we receive and review with our allergist, there's often hesitation and confusion around when and for what symptoms to use epinepherine. Dr. Brian Schroer did an amazing job explaining answers to these questions via a fire analogy. This is a must-read!
Best Practices for Diagnosing a Food Allergy: Diagnosing a food allergy isn't always straight forward. In fact, with all of the information needed to make an accurate diagnosis - blood tests, skin prick tests, instances of eating the allergen, and reaction history - it's a bit like putting a puzzle together. Dr. Dave Stukus, who aims to dispel food allergy/immunology-related myths, shares how he diagnoses a food allergy, in a step-by-step tutorial. He also highlights testing and actions he doesn't take, as they often prove more harmful than helpful.

Reputable Food Allergy Information Sources:

In case you missed the other Food Allergy Awareness Week mental health-focused tips, find them via links here: Day 1 & 2 (FA Support Groups & FA Mindset); Day 3: FA Thinking Errors Connected w/Anxiety; Day 4: Food Allergy Anxiety Resources; Day 5: Problem-Solving Method When Fear Rules Your Mind

If you find yourself needing support for food allergy-related psychosocial impacts, locate a food allergy-knowledgeable clinical behavioral healthcare provider
via the Food Allergy Counselor Directory.

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Two Ways to Help Kids Build Food Allergy-Related Self-Esteem

Food Allergy Awareness Week Day 7: Food Allergy Mental Health Worksheet

Day 7: PDF Worksheet To Use or Share!

Food Allergy Awareness Week Day 6: Fight Food Allergy Fears

Day 6: Fight Food Allergy Fears w/Facts

One Tool To Fight Food Allergy Fears Is...KNOWLEDGE!

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