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Unhelpful Allergy Beliefs

5/21/2022

1 Comment

 
Ever notice that we live by rules? I'm not talking about societal rules such as laws, but internal rules, or beliefs and guidelines we've created for ourselves to live by. We typically develop these internal rules/beliefs through experiences we've had, or to help us achieve or avoid things.
You'll likely identify these internal rules by the language you use when thinking of them. "Should, ought to, must, right or wrong, good or bad, always or never" are common words and phrases that let us know that we're connecting with these internal rules/beliefs. ​

But internal rules and beliefs are useful, right?

Maybe. They can be useful, guiding us towards things that matter to us in life. BUT, they can also be unhelpful, leading us to veer off track. It's this unhelpfulness that I want to explore - with a simple, practical strategy to help navigate these unhelpful internal rules and beliefs. 
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Credit: johnhain on Pixabay

Quality of Life Impacts of Unhelpful Internal Beliefs

Our internal rules and beliefs can act as guides for how we navigate life. Let's look at some non-allergy examples first: 
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  • Belief:  "I shouldn't do that because I'm not smart"  --->  This internal belief may lead to avoiding taking risks where the outcome may make result in giving wrong answers, extending ourselves academically or professionally, or anything else that reinforces this belief

  • Belief: "I'm a bad cook" ---> This may lead to avoiding cooking, trying new recipes, or letting others taste what you've made

  • Belief: "The world is always unsafe" ---> This may lead to limiting experiences in life or not believing that there is safety and kind people out there in the world

Just like the rules of the road that guide us in driving, these internal rules/beliefs guide our behaviors and how we navigate life. Think of them like guard rails on the highway. When the internal rules/beliefs are helpful, they're like guard rails separated by many lanes - there's so much space to move around, and there may even be portions of the road where there aren't any guard rails limiting us!

But when these internal rules/beliefs are unhelpful, they can feel like guard rails on a one-lane highway - keeping you confined to a very small space.

Before we explore examples of unhelpful allergy-specific internal rules/beliefs and what to do with them, I need to cover one more topic: How rigid or flexible our internal beliefs are.
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How Rigid Or Flexible Are Your Internal Beliefs?

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Credit: Memory Catcher on Pixabay
Using the guard rail metaphor, let's apply it to bowling. Have you ever gone "bumper bowling" with the guard rails up so that the bowling ball doesn't go into the gutter? 

In my experiences with bumper bowling, sometimes I've played with hard, rigid metal bumpers and other times with softer, inflatable-looking bumpers. With the hard, rigid metal bumpers, my ball would typically bounce off of them so much so that it would overcorrect itself, bounce to the other side of the lane, and then bounce back again. It looked like it was erratically bouncing back and forth with no real hope of hitting a pin! But when I've played with the softer, more flexible bumpers, while my ball would still bounce off of the bumpers, it actually seemed to have a chance to actually move down the lane with hope of hitting a pin. 

What this example is getting at is that our internal rules/beliefs (guard rails) can be rigid or flexible, which impacts the actions we take and our quality of life. 

With rigid internal rules/beliefs, we often find ourselves avoiding experiences and limiting ourselves because they don't leave much room for exploration, possibilities, and other perspectives. Things need to be a certain way and align with these internal rules, otherwise it's too risky, scary, uncomfortable, and likely unattainable (or so we believe). The rigid nature of these rules is MEANT to help us feel less anxious and more certain about things, but often times, it ends up doing the opposite and creating more discomfort in our lives. 

When our internal rules/beliefs are more flexible, we're more willing to test the waters outside of our comfort zone to see what happens. We're also more willing to see things from more than one perspective, which potentially leads to changing our internal rules/beliefs to be more workable ones for ourselves, our goals, and our lives in general. While the flexibility of these rules/beliefs may initially scare us because it feels so uncertain, the flexibility helps us to develop life skills that get us through the discomfort and uncertainty life throws our way - and that helps us develop competence and confidence in ourselves!

Now, let's put this all together with allergy-specific examples!
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Noticing Your Unhelpful Allergy Beliefs

Many of the internal allergy rules/beliefs we've developed are likely rigid ones, which doesn't leave much room for anything less than perfection. 

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Let's look at these examples of unhelpful allergy rules/beliefs and potential outcomes of living by these rules - and as you read them, I encourage you to think about the rigid rules/beliefs you may have developed: 
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  • Rigid Allergy Belief: "Feeling anxious is always a sign it's unsafe or that I'll react"
     
     
This rigid belief will likely lead you to avoid anything that makes you feel anxious because you'll interpret everything uncomfortable as something that will lead to a reaction. However, this is unhelpful because anxiety is a normal part of life, especially when managing allergies. Anxiety also doesn't only show up when it has to do with safety - it often shows up when something is new to us! So this rigid belief reinforces the unrealistic internal rule that living safely with an allergy looks like a very precise math equation: Allergy + Avoidance = Total Safety. However, allergy life ISN'T a precise math equation, and living like it is will likely negatively impact your quality of life. 

  • Rigid Allergy Belief: "If I'm not doing everything other allergic individuals or allergy parents that I see in support groups are doing to stay safe, then I'm not being safe enough/aren't being a good enough allergy parent."

This rigid belief sets you up for unhelpful comparisons! These comparisons are based on the internal belief that how others navigate allergy life is right, and how you're doing it is wrong. Says who?! We're all different. We have different allergy specifics, values, and goals in life. What works for one person may not work well for another. So taking information learned from others as a verbatim map you're supposed to strictly follow in order to be safe enough or a good enough allergy parent only pushes you even further from learning the skills that will help YOU feel confident in allergy management!

Now, let's use these rigid allergy belief examples above and turn them into more flexible internal beliefs. 
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A Practical Tool For Changing Unhelpful Beliefs

So what's the simple, practical tool that helps us change our rigid rules/beliefs into  more flexible and workable ones? 

LANGUAGE, or the words we choose to use, even in our own mind!

You'll see we can turn a rigid belief into a more flexible one by simply changing the words or phrases used - because language matters when it comes to how we internal rule-making!

  • Rigid Allergy Belief: "Feeling anxious is always a sign it's unsafe or that I'll react" 
  • ​Flexible Allergy Belief: "Feeling anxious may be a sign it's unsafe or that I'll react"

Did you notice a difference in how it felt when you read the rigid version versus the flexible version of this internal belief? While it still leaves room for thinking about the potential or uncertainty of a reaction (because we truly can't eliminate ALL uncertainty in life), it hopefully felt less uncomfortable. The flexible allergy belief will open you up to looking at other perspectives and potential outcomes, such as anxiety just being an uncomfortable feeling that doesn't always mean something is unsafe. And this adjusted internal belief will allow you to choose new actions, which may positively impact your quality of life!

  • Rigid Allergy Belief: "If I'm not doing everything other allergic individuals or allergy parents that I see in support groups are doing to stay safe, then I'm not being safe enough/aren't being a good allergy parent."
  • Flexible Allergy Belief: "I can choose to do what other allergic individuals or allergy parents that I see in support groups are doing to stay safe, but not doing so doesn't mean I'm not being safe enough/aren't being a good enough allergy parent." 

​By changing the phrasing used in this rigid allergy rule/belief, it literally changes the meaning of it! So, which of those statements feels most workable for you? (I'm putting my money on the flexible one). Instead of falling in line with an internal rule you created based off of the fear you're feeling, you can choose to make that belief work better for you. Then, the next time you're reading through online posts and that rigid allergy rule/belief pops back up (because it most likely still will for awhile), you can remind yourself of your more workable, flexible rule/belief!
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Final Takeaways....

While there is a lot of room for very calculated and precise rules in allergy life (and life in general), not EVERY internal allergy rule/belief has to be so rigid. And in fact, the more rigid we tend to be, the more potential there is that these rules/beliefs will negatively impact our quality of life.

Therefore, remember: 
  • It's helpful to start noticing your internal rules/beliefs and their impact on life
  • Our internal rules/beliefs can be helpful AND unhelpful
  • It's important to assess which of our rules/beliefs are unhelpful vs. unhelpful
  • Explore whether your unhelpful internal rules/beliefs are too rigid
  • It IS possible to make our internal rules/beliefs more workable with flexibility
  • Making our internal rules/beliefs more flexible starts with adjusting language
  • When the rigid rules/beliefs pop back up, remind yourself of the flexible ones
  • Navigating allergy life with some flexible internal rules/beliefs can positively impact the ability to learn how to confidently live with allergies and positively impact your quality of life 
​
Other FAC posts that may help: 
  • ​Building Allergy Life Skills When Anxious
  • Fighting Food Allergy Fears with Facts​

Remember, support is out there if you need it! Don't forget to check out the Food Allergy Counselor Directory, the Exploring Food Allergy Families podcast, the Food Allergy Behavioral Health Resource section, and the allergy-specific therapeutic worksheets. And if you're an allergy-informed therapy provider, then visit the Provider page!

----> And don't forget to sign up to receive helpful allergy psychosocial tips and updates via email! Subscribers also get the free "Allergy Anxiety and Overwhelm Mini Guide".

Don't be shy - reach out and say hi! I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this post and other FAC content.
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Do you value the Food Allergy Counselor Directory and the support it provides to the allergy community? Want to see it expand with additional  providers? Contact founder Tamara Hubbard, LCPC for sponsorship opportunities!
1 Comment

Post-Anaphylaxis Tool

5/10/2022

0 Comments

 
Since we typically tend to avoid even thinking about the possibility of a reaction and the reaction “What ifs?!”, it usually feels even harder to process a reaction if it DOES happen.

The truth is, after a reaction, especially if it was anaphylactic, we may feel as if we’ve been thrown way off course - maybe even sent right back to how we felt upon diagnosis. We may experience a loss of trust in others, labels, and even our own allergy skills....or ourselves.

And even though we can visualize where we want to get back to  - a place of confidently navigating allergies again - we may struggle to find our way back there.

Know that this
 is a normal response to an allergic reaction! But even knowing this still may not make us feel better about the post-reaction fear and uncertainty we experience, and the time it is taking to work through it. We dislike discomfort, and therefore, we want to get back to our comfort zone ASAP!

Enter the T.R.AC.E. tool!

I created T.R.A.C.E. in 2019 to serve as a "compass back to confidence" after someone has a 
food allergy reaction or allergic condition flare up, and debuted it at the 2nd Annual Food Allergy Conference for Education and Science - FACES (and FYI - the 2022 FACES Conference is in June!)
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The T.R.A.C.E. tool offers reminders to keep us grounded during the post-reaction rebuilding phase. The truth is that it takes time - sometimes more time than we want - to process the reaction and make sense of how we move forward. And we need to give ourselves that space and time to process things, but sometimes feel lost during that timeframe.

Therefore, using the T.R.A.C.E tool gives you tangible actions to take during these processing and rebuilding phases. And while we may think this information seems like common sense, sometimes common sense escapes us when we’re anxious, stressed or traumatized! Therefore, it's good to have this available, just in case. 
​
If you want to keep the T.R.A.C.E. tool handy, or want to share with your patients, you can find a free PDF download of this tool on the “Worksheets” page, or use this direct URL: www.FoodAllergyAnxiety.com 
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Looking for more on the topic of working through emotions and thoughts after anaphylaxis? Check these resources out, too: 
  • Moving Forward After an Allergic Reaction (FAC blog post)
  • Exploring Food Allergy Families - Episode 9 (find on any podcast app)

Remember, support is out there if you need it! Don't forget to check out the Food Allergy Counselor Directory, the Exploring Food Allergy Families podcast, the Food Allergy Behavioral Health Resource section, and the allergy-specific therapeutic worksheets. And if you're an allergy-informed therapy provider, then visit the Provider page!

----> And don't forget to sign up to receive helpful allergy psychosocial tips and updates via email! Subscribers also get the free "Allergy Anxiety and Overwhelm Mini Guide".
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Do you value the Food Allergy Counselor Directory and the support it provides to the allergy community? Want to see it expand with additional providers? Contact founder Tamara Hubbard, LCPC for sponsorship opportunities! ​
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Building Allergy Life Skills When Anxious

5/6/2022

0 Comments

 
We know that in order to gain confidence in our ability to manage our own or our child's allergies, we have to step outside of our comfort zone - because that's where growth happens. But when we finally do step outside and feel anxious, and then have the urge to turn and run, what do we do? It's a catch-22, right? 

Well, maybe this new allergy psychosocial tool will help with this process!
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A Guide For Practicing Allergy Life Skills:

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This Guide for Practicing Allergy Life Skills (when feeling anxious) offers step-by-step guidance through this "out-of-our-comfort-zone" growth process with the goal of not letting the anxiety permanently hold us back. In turn, this helps us focus on EXPANDING OUR COMFORT ZONE so we can add more to it over time. 

This guide is a reminder that when we are growing (developing a new skill or a new relationship, or just personal growth), there's discomfort, which may come in the form of anxiety, fear and overwhelm. Yes, allergic conditions do intensify things because of their life-impacting and even life-threatening nature, but at the core, we're still just building important life skills like we do in other areas of our lives. And remember, we don't need to take major leaps outside of our comfort zones (unless you feel ready to) - start small and build over time. 

It's also important to note that you don't have to move through this guide in the order it's shown. Just like when we process grief, we can jump from stage to stage. So if you notice the anxiety before you begin practicing the new allergy life skill, then start there and work through the steps until you can try practicing the skill.

And it's equally important to remind yourself that it's okay if it takes you lots of practice to learn this new allergy life skill, or you can't even get through the whole process initially. The goal is growth, and growth takes time and practice!


Let's use the following scenario to show how this guide would be helpful:
You want to start eating out at restaurants more, but are nervous about speaking up and advocating for yourself. It makes you so anxious!
Always start by clarifying what the allergy life skill is you're trying to develop and the benefit of practicing it: 
  • ​Skill you want to develop/practice: self-advocating and speaking up
  • Benefit of developing/practicing this skill: more comfortable eating out

Then, decide how/where you want to start practicing this skill. Maybe you want to start at a familiar restaurant at a non-peak hour. Or you might even want to simply start by practicing it at home in the mirror, pretending you're in the actual situation.

1. Practice what you'd like to tell the waiter or manager, and what you plan to ask them. Try saying/asking in different ways if you need to. Show them your allergy card. 

2. Notice the anxious thoughts and feelings in your mind and body. Remind yourself that you're doing something new, but there's a big benefit to getting through this discomfort. Don't overly engage with them, but  instead,  work with them. Edit them from "What if" thoughts to "If, then" thoughts. 

3. Explore the emotional and physical anxiety and discomfort. Maybe there's another question you need to ask or more information you want to share with the restaurant staff to help you safer and feel better about speaking up. You may also need to take a moment to physically relax yourself. 

4. Use calming tools, such as deep breathing or focusing on something you can see or hear, if you notice your mind or body getting really anxious or uncomfortable. 

5. Try the skill again - either at that time and/or in the future. Ask more questions during this experience, or note what you'd like to do differently next time. 

After you've practiced, debrief about the experience with questions such as: 
  • What went well? 
  • What would you like to do differently next time? 
  • What did you learn about yourself and/or the situation?
  • Were you able to work through the discomfort you felt while practicing? 
  • Were you able to stay connected with the benefit you'll get from this skill?

​Final Thoughts....​
Again, in these kinds of uncomfortable situations, our focus needs to be working towards EXPANDING OUR COMFORT ZONE over time so that we can add more to it over time. Even if we aren't good at the skill the first few times we try it, or can't get through the whole process - that's okay! The goal is just to try and make movement towards adding more into our comfort zone. 

Just like the image below, which represents what we THINK happens over time with grief - versus what ACTUALLY happens - our goal when managing allergies is to expand our comfort zone around the discomfort. Therefore, keeping this in mind with each step we take can help us talk back to our anxiety and stay the course!
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Image Source: https://whatsyourgrief.com/growing-around-grief/
So, give this tool a go the next time you want to try a new experience that feels overwhelming. Use it as a visual reminder that you DO have the ability to get yourself through the discomfort and expand your comfort zone, even if it feels hard to! I look forward to hearing your thoughts about this new psychosocial tool!

​Looking for more tools and insights to help you move through the discomfort and fear of reactions in new, unfamiliar situations? Check these resources out: 
  • The G-R-O-W Technique
  • 2021 Food Allergy Awareness Week tips & tools from FAC
  • The Managing Allergy Worry Worksheet (blog post)
  • Food Allergy Thinking Traps 
  • 5 Reminders for Parents of Kids with Allergy-Related Anxiety
  • Exploring Food Allergy Families Podcast - Episode 11
Remember, support is out there if you need it! Don't forget to check out the Food Allergy Counselor Directory, the Exploring Food Allergy Families podcast, the Food Allergy Behavioral Health Resource section, and the allergy-specific therapeutic worksheets. And if you're an allergy-informed therapy provider, then visit the Provider page!

----> And don't forget to sign up to receive helpful allergy psychosocial tips and updates via email! Subscribers also get the free "Allergy Anxiety and Overwhelm Mini Guide".
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Do you value the Food Allergy Counselor Directory and the support it provides to the allergy community? Want to see it expand with additional  providers? Contact founder Tamara Hubbard, LCPC for sponsorship opportunities! 
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  • Home
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  • About
    • About The Food Allergy Counselor, Inc.
    • About Founder, Tamara Hubbard, LCPC
  • Contact