[This is one of those articles that may stir up feelings of anxiety. But remember - anxiety isn't the bad guy (even though it makes us feel uncomfortable) - and it can actually push us towards meaningful change. So harness any anxious feelings you may feel as you read this, and focus on exploring why they're there and how the information presented may help you create a more workable approach to anxiety].
Scrolling through allergy social media accounts, you may have come across posts with the following kinds of messages:
Do these messages raise your anxiety levels? Do they flip on the pressure to be perfect? Or make you want to curl up in a ball and hide (so you don't have to deal with the possibilities of making mistakes)?
These are normal emotional responses to those kind of statements.
While messages with these themes mean well - encouraging people to exercise caution and take food allergies seriously - the reality is that they may do more harm than good.
Let's explore (3) reasons why these fear-based messages may not be the best approach to relaying the seriousness of food allergies, particularly within the food allergy community itself.
1. They Can Lead To Excessive Anxiety & Worry
Increased anxiety has already been noted, but let's expand on the potential "allergy anxiety domino effect" that fear-based allergy messaging may give way to.
Excessive anxiety and worry can lead to avoidance of experiences in order to seek safety. Avoidance of experiences can then lead to even more anxiety due to a lack of confidence in one's ability to manage their allergy without avoiding things. This then reinforces the narrative that life with food allergies is too scary to navigate. And, you guessed it - that tends to translate to even more avoidance.
Experiencing some anxiety can actually be useful, often motivating us towards action and change. However, when it becomes excessive, our stress levels rise and our confidence in our ability to manage situations decreases. This is when we tend to feel scared, stuck, and without any control or impact on situations and their outcomes.
Therefore, when messages use extreme language and themes, they're likely overshooting their target, leading readers to feel less empowered and more trapped by allergy fears.
2. They Can Lead To Setting Unrealistic Expectations
Simply put, no one is perfect! That means that mistakes WILL happen. I know that's a scary thought when managing life-threatening food allergies, but it's a thought that is better addressed than avoided. With that said, not every mistake leads to a reaction or anaphylaxis, and that's an important thing to remind yourself.
When messages lead us to believe that every mistake ends in catastrophe, our brain interprets that as a threat - we must keep ourselves and/or our child from having an allergic reaction at all costs (including costs to our own well-being). This then triggers a feeling of panic and fight/flight/freeze response. And understandably, that primes us to seek safety by creating an unrealistic safety bubble for fear of making mistakes.
That's why fear-based messaging does more harm than good. When we're in fight/flight/freeze mode, our focus is safety, not learning to live with food allergies. If we stay in that mode, we will expect ourselves (and others) to be perfect, never making a mistake - telling ourselves that this an achievable goal. And if a reaction does happen, we may then deal with intense guilt that is fed by this unachievable goal.
Yes, our overall goal is to prevent reactions, but it's unhelpful to believe that this is achieved through perfection. It's more useful to accept that there will likely be mistakes - maybe even made by ourselves - and focus on learning how to navigate reactions, should they happen.
3. They Can Lead To Overparenting Behaviors
While parenting a food allergic child does require additional stressors that non-allergy parents don't deal with, it's still possible to overparent an allergic child.
Overparenting is paved with good intentions, but can result in a child experiencing increased anxiety, inadequate life skills, and a lack of resilience. There's data exploring how maternal distress is an identified risk factor for psychosocial difficulties in youth with food allergy, and restrictive parenting practices can lead to poorer health-related quality of life in this population. And even with allergic children, parents' goals are still to work themselves out of a job. This means that allergy parents should focus on helping themselves grow through each stage of an allergic child's development in order to raise a self-sufficient allergic young adult.
Connecting this with the first two points, fear-based messaging tends to lead to the exact opposite by opening the door to excessive anxiety, which then sets the stage for avoidance of experiences, aiming for unrealistic perfection, and overparenting children in order to achieve safety - none of which is helpful.
So then how can people express the seriousness of food allergies with less fear-based messaging?
Below are (2) helpful tips for developing messages that evoke action and empowerment rather than paralyzing worry and fear:
Focus The Message on Building Confidence:
Strike a Balance Within The Message:
Tips For Navigating Fear-Based Messages:
If you haven't already, you'll likely come across fear-based allergy messaging online, because, let's face it - food allergies can feel scary! But don't let these kinds of narratives have the power to make you feel inadequate about how you're navigating life with allergies.
Here are helpful reminders as you come across fear-based messaging:
[It's important to note that if you and/or your child has experienced an allergic reaction, it may feel harder to disengage from these fear-based messages. Monitor how you're coping after reactions, and if you find it hard to regain daily functioning, discuss this with your allergist and consider reaching out for therapeutic support].
Remember, support is there if you need it! Don't forget to check out the Food Allergy Counselor Directory, the Exploring Food Allergy Families podcast, the Food Allergy Behavioral Health Resource section, and the allergy-specific therapeutic worksheets. And if you're an allergy-informed therapy provider, then visit the Provider page!
Don't be shy - reach out and say hi! I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this post and other FAC content.
I'm very excited about this announcement. Not only does it relate to topics I am passionate about, but it's also a resource that I think will be enjoyable to listen to and learn from.
So why did I create this podcast?
Well, you'll have to listen to the brief preview episode to hear that answer!
But I'll share why I think you'll enjoy this new podcast....
Exploring Food Allergy Families is a podcast with real talk, relatable conversations, and practical tips focused on navigating the impacts that food allergies have on families, mental health, and emotional well-being. Building resilience and an empowered mindset are key pillars of this podcast.
With episode lengths of 30 minutes or less, they're perfect to listen to while going for a run, walking the dog, or enjoying a cup of coffee in the morning (or wine at night)!
This podcast aims to share and explore:
Also, for episodes focused on skill-building and strategies, there will be additional follow up resources available on this website for those topics, should you want to apply and practice the concepts discussed.
So there you have it! Check out the first episode - a short preview and introduction, which explains why I decided this podcast was so important.
Then be sure to subscribe to Exploring Food Allergy Families (wherever you listen to podcasts) so you don't miss future episodes!
Trust me, you won't want to miss any episodes, especially the next one, Exploring Food Allergy Dads' Experiences, where I will share insights from the recent survey, relevant guidance/tips, and chat with one of these amazing food allergy dads!
So, let's explore food allergy families together!
Podcast Episode site: https://exploringfoodallergyfamilies.buzzsprout.com/
Podcast Info: www.FoodAllergyFamilies.com (or Podcast section on this website )
- Your feedback is a gift that I truly value, so please feel free to share thoughts, topic ideas,
or feedback on whether topics explored on the podcast have been helpful. -
Another food allergy-related tragedy recently populated our social media feeds. This story involved a teenage boy, all set to graduate high school, but suffered an anaphylactic reaction to walnuts days before that led to his death.
Food allergy parents across the world feel these losses deeply. It can feel as if it's happening to someone in their own family, such as their own child. Inevitably it evokes intense emotions such as fear, panic, anxiety, and uncertainty, which may result in the loss of comfort with their own food allergy routines.
In short, these tragedies may make parents feel emotions often associated with trauma. These tragedies can potentially set parents back, boldly reminding them that food allergies can be unpredictable, even with evidence-based guidelines in place. It's a place of major discomfort, leaving many uncertain how to cope. It's very easy to fall into the rabbit hole of fear if you let yourself.
Given that these stories will unfortunately inevitably pop up on social media, what can parents, and food allergic individuals in general, do to navigate them and cope?
....Below are three tips to help empower yourself during these moments of raw emotion.....
1. Set Boundaries for Self-Preservation
While we may be drawn to reading these stories, it's important to evaluate whether it's a good idea to do so. Here are some questions to ask yourself to help you determine if you should immerse yourself in the details right now or not:
THIS MAY HELP: How to Set Boundaries - 10 Examples and PDF Worksheets from www.PositivePsychologyProgram.com
2. Reconnect With Evidence-Based Data
Our emotions have the incredible ability to disconnect us from logic. They're that powerful.... IF we let them take control. Sure, even with the best guidelines in place, tragedies can happen, but it's important to keep things in perspective as much as possible.
In times of tragedy, it is crucial that you reconnect with the established and evidence-based food allergy-related facts. In doing so, it not only helps to balance emotions, but also benefits you by:
THIS MAY HELP: The best sources for evidence-based information are reputable food allergy organizations, such as the American Academy of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology, the American College of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology, and the Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology. (Here is a study posted in JACI on Fatalities Due to Anaphylaxis to Foods)
3. Practice Self-Care
Practicing self-care is important, even when you're not navigating a recent food allergy-related tragedy.
Think of a car. If you aren't filling the tank with fuel, taking it in for routine checkups, and making sure to use it rather than letting it sit untouched for long periods of time, the car isn't going to run as effectively.
The same is absolutely true when it comes to our minds and bodies. Both need to be taken care of, which isn't easy to prioritize as a parent or busy adult. But in times of tragedy, self-care becomes crucial, as coping abilities are stronger when you're taking care of yourself. Here are a few questions to ask yourself in order to evaluate your own self-care lately:
Think about the things that make you feel a sense of calm, happiness, and connection to yourself, and work them in as often as possible, even if in very brief formats. Maybe it's reading an empowering passage each morning to start your day off right. Perhaps it's taking deep breaths and listening to the water falling while in the shower. Or even simply remembering to regularly eat meals and snacks so your body has enough fuel to get through the day.
Self-care is about quality, consistency, and ultimately prioritizing yourself so you are better able to navigate the daily ups and downs of life. It's never too late to make self-care part of your routine, and the time is never better when you're feeling heartbreak.
THIS MAY HELP: Check out 15 Grounding Exercises to Manage Stress from Anxiety or Trauma (post via The Mighty); Free Mindfulness Apps Worthy of Your Attention (via Mindful.org)
Feel like you could benefit from additional support
from a food allergy-knowledgeable
behavioral health or counseling professional?
Visit the Food Allergy Counselor Directory
to locate one in your area.
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