Category: Family

Navigating Tense Allergy Discussions During the Holidays

11/28/2022

'Tis the season for holiday gatherings....and maybe increased stress, too?

The holiday season can feel like a stressful time for many managing food allergy and allergic conditions. The safe food preparation and planning. The logistics of ensuring your child doesn't eat foods that aren't safe.

The potentially not-so-supportive and stressful conversations with family members who just don't get it?

My hope is that all of you have incredibly supportive and understanding families, who are willing to make safe adjustments to recipes and navigate inclusion without skipping a beat!

But the reality is that even in supportive families, there still may be tough conversations about the management of food allergies and allergic conditions.

Therefore, here are practical tips for navigating (3) tense allergy-related discussions at (or while preparing for) holiday family gatherings:

"Can't you (or your child) just have a little bite? I'm sure it will be fine!"
Especially true for older generations, your family members may not be well-versed in IgE-mediated food allergies and allergic conditions if they don't live with them. And while comments like this can be frustrating, it's helpful to remember that in most cases, the comment comes from a place of love.

Use these practical approaches to navigate this scenario in a workable way:

Don't engage in debate. Instead, use it as an opportunity to educate the person. Focus on one or two specific aspects of food allergy management rather than trying to educate on everything.
Lead with facts, not emotions. This can be tough, but share factual data to illustrate your point whenever possible. Others may be more willing to change their perspective when you share data from allergy advocacy and allergy/immunology medical organizations.

"I recently read about (insert treatment or trial) and that it can cure allergies! Why aren't you doing that?"
With so many clickbait headlines circulating online, your well-intentioned family members may ask if you know the latest food allergy news they recently read about. Again, this is most likely coming from a place of love, but it's easy to experience this as judgement on how you're managing your allergy. Additionally, the information they share may not be accurate or understood accurately.

Use these practical approaches to navigate this scenario in a workable way:

Simply thank them. Even if your family member is mis-informed, you can still thank them for thinking of you and/or your child's well-being. Let them know you appreciate their sharing the information, and gently transition to another topic.
Engage and explore mindfully. Consider if it's worth an in-depth discussion. If you do decide to engage in this conversation, be mindful of your goals for doing so. What outcome are you hoping to achieve, and is that realistic? Is this family member open-minded and truly willing to hear what you have to say? What's the benefit to you for engaging in this discussion, and is it worth your energy?

Your family, your in-laws, or partner's family just don't get allergies, which causes friction - and the possibility of not attending
This may be one of the more likely scenarios people navigate during holiday gatherings. Whatever the specifics are in your situation, it can be frustrating and exhausting to deal with this, especially if this is the experience for every holiday gathering.

As referenced in this FAC blog post on this topic, here are practical approaches to navigate this scenario in a workable way:

Build a united front first. If you and your partner don't see eye-to-eye on allergy management, it makes this task much harder. Therefore, before approaching this conversation with family, focus on establishing acceptable solutions you both can agree upon, and commit to dealing with this situation together as a team.
Speaker of the house. You certainly can approach this conversation together with your family member, but whoever's family it is you're addressing this with should take the lead. They're the person who knows their family best.
Focus on facts. This is another situation where facts may yield more results than emotions. It may be hard to do so, but calmly explain your allergy safety protocols and potential outcomes if not followed, using facts from your allergist or reputable sources. Encourage the family member to visit reputable sources online to read these facts and stats for themselves.
Be solution-focused. It's easy to let emotions take over when navigating this situation, but as much as possible, stay focused on developing a workable solution. While it may seem easy to just avoid the family gathering, and that may end up being the final decision, aim to find a solution that allows for safety AND connection with family.

Final Thoughts....
Remember that whatever the stressful conversation topics may be, you have choices. You don't have to discuss things you don't want to. You don't have to justify your allergy management protocols. You can choose to kindly, but firmly change topics!

Prepare some canned responses before the family gathering, and try your best to stay connected to the reason for the holiday season over the next couple of months!

want more empowering allergy life tips like this emailed directly to you? subscribe to receive "food allergy counselor corner" emails!

And don't forget about ALL of the FAC resources there to support you!

Allergy counseling information for patients, therapists, allergists
Find an allergy-informed therapy provider - most offering telehealth
Listen to podcast episodes offering practical and relatable guidance
Watch (and listen to) webinars and podcast interviews
Explore allergy-focused behavioral health resources
Learn mindset strategies from allergy-specific therapeutic worksheets
Connect with other allergy-informed therapy providers!

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The 6 Stages of Allergy Parenting

4/28/2022

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[For more detailed information on each stage, check out The 6 Stages of Allergy Parenting Explained post after reading this one. Download the free, printable "6 Stages of Food Allergy Parenting" packet here.]

Have you ever noticed that so much of the parenting guidance out there is focused on what children are going through at each stage of their development? While that's helpful information for parents to know, it doesn't tell parents what THEIR parenting tasks are for each stage of their child's development.

That's where Ellen Galinsky's work comes in! Her research led to the development of the Six Stages of Parenthood, which focuses on how PARENTS develop at the same time their child develops.

This framework helps parents understand if they're focusing on the appropriate tasks associated with their child's stage of development, are falling behind, or pushing too fast too quickly.

As with any guidelines, they're just that - guidelines. They're not hard and fast rules. However, I think we can all agree that parenting is hard, so any helpful guidance is welcome!

The Six Stages of Allergy Parenting

Adapted from Ellen Galinsky's work, licensed family therapist and founder of this Food Allergy Counselor Directory and website, Tamara Hubbard developed the Six Stages of Allergy Parenting after recognizing that allergy parents could benefit from parenting guidance specific to allergy parenting and the associated emotional aspects.

This purpose of this framework is primarily to offer guidance related to the emotional and mindset aspects of allergy parenting, which is often overlooked in allergy parenting guidance currently available. It essentially offers parents a framework to help them develop their mindset and parenting choices for each stage of parenting, which directly impacts their child's ability to learn how to live confidently with allergies. While overall allergy management skills/goals are noted for each phase, the guidance is heavily infused with information related to the allergy emotional tasks helpful for parents to be aware of and/or develop during each stage. (For more information on what to teach your child at each stage of their development, check out this Allergic Living article).

Six Stage of Allergy Parenting chart, created by Tamara Hubbard, LCPC

How to Use this Chart:
The information below explains each column in more depth:

Stages: The names of each stage are from Ellen Galinsky's work. These titles are used to identify the period of time associated with the child's development, but are instead focused on the parental growth process, which happens in tandem with the child's growth process.
Acts As The.... Tamara created these labels to help further illustrate a parent's role and goals for each stage.
Child's Age: Identifies the age and stage of the child's development.
Parents' Goals: Summarizes the overall goals for parents for each stage of their child's development, based on Ellen Galinsky's research.
Allergy Tasks: Summarizes the overall allergy parenting task/focus for each stage of a child's development. Each stage builds upon the previous stages.

How This Framework Helps Allergy Parents:
The Six Stages of Allergy Parenting offers allergy parents a framework to help them better understand how to parent an allergic child throughout the child, teen and young adult years. More specifically, this guidance helps parents with:

Identifying When Emotions Are Getting in the Way: Offers the ability to identify if your own parental anxiety, fear, and overwhelm has actually stunted your child's ability to learn how to navigate life with their allergies OR has resulted in trying to teach your child too much, too quickly in order to calm your intense emotions.
Assessing Their Own Progress: Offers a way to more effectively assess whether you're on or off target with the main parenting focuses for each stage of development, as allergy parenting adds an additional layer to the mix.
Teaching Allergy Skills: Offers a look at the overall allergy management and allergy emotional skills you should focus on teaching your child at each stage. This is important because children learn through scaffolding, or building upon previously learned concepts. Therefore, it's helpful if their allergy AND emotional skills build throughout their development. For example, if a child reaches adolescence and is missing basic allergy management skills, it will be hard for them to reach adolescent goals, such as learning to take more responsibility for their safety and being away from home on their own.
Checking For Emotional and Knowledge Gaps: Offers a framework to help see if you and/or your children need to revisit allergy emotional or allergy management skills. This can often be the case if the last allergic reaction happened many years ago, and you've become more comfortable managing allergies. It's helpful to do a quick check at the beginning of each stage of development to see if you need to revisit forgotten or lost skills from previous stages, fill any knowledge gaps, or assess emotional readiness.

Want More Specific Information on Each Stage?
Check out this following up post: The 6 Stages of Allergy Parenting Explained

Think This Chart Will Help Others?
You can download the free, printable "6 Stages of Food Allergy Parenting" packet here, which is useful for both those managing allergies and healthcare/behavioral healthcare providers supporting them]

If you want to make sure you don't miss more of this kind of psychosocial information, be sure to Subscribe to The Food Allergy Counselor emails (at the bottom of the homepage or via the pop-up), as well as the FAC social media accounts. And THE BONUS for subscribing to the FAC emails? You'll get the free, 3-page Allergy Anxiety & Overwhelm Mini -Guide.

And if you're needing more allergy-related psychosocial support, don't forget to check out the Food Allergy Counselor Directory, the Exploring Food Allergy Families podcast, the Food Allergy Behavioral Health Resource section, and the allergy-specific therapeutic worksheets.

Do you value the Food Allergy Counselor Directory and the support it provides to the allergy community? Want to see it expand with additional providers? Contact founder Tamara Hubbard, LCPC for sponsorship opportunities!

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New Podcast: Exploring Food Allergy Families

4/25/2020

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I'm very excited about this announcement. Not only does it relate to topics I am passionate about, but it's also a resource that I think will be enjoyable to listen to and learn from.

Introducing.....

So why did I create this podcast?

Well, you'll have to listen to the brief preview episode to hear that answer!

But I'll share why I think you'll enjoy this new podcast....

Exploring Food Allergy Families is a podcast with real talk, relatable conversations, and practical tips focused on navigating the impacts that food allergies have on families, mental health, and emotional well-being. Building resilience and an empowered mindset are key pillars of this podcast.

With episode lengths of 30 minutes or less, they're perfect to listen to while going for a run, walking the dog, or enjoying a cup of coffee in the morning (or wine at night)!

This podcast aims to share and explore:

"Bite size" chunks of knowledge on various topics, with tips you can use
Interviews with allergy-informed allied and mental healthcare providers
Guidance on a variety of food allergy, relationship, and life stresses
New thought processes that help you co-exist with or flip inner worry voices
Strategies to assess and address increased anxiety, emotions, and stress
Perspectives on how food allergies impact family systems and relationships
Building an empowered mindset to help gain confidence and build resilience
Honest conversations with families at various stages of their allergy journey
Reassurance that you're not alone in your thoughts and feelings
Parenting guidance to help determine if you're on track with food allergy parenting goals in different stages of development
Fun chats, because sometimes we just need to lighten the mood and laugh
And SO much more, because this is just the beginning!

Also, for episodes focused on skill-building and strategies, there will be additional follow up resources available on this website for those topics, should you want to apply and practice the concepts discussed.

So there you have it! Check out the first episode - a short preview and introduction, which explains why I decided this podcast was so important.

Then be sure to subscribe to Exploring Food Allergy Families (wherever you listen to podcasts) so you don't miss future episodes!

Trust me, you won't want to miss any episodes, especially the next one, Exploring Food Allergy Dads' Experiences, where I will share insights from the recent survey, relevant guidance/tips, and chat with one of these amazing food allergy dads!

So, let's explore food allergy families together!

Podcast Episode site: https://exploringfoodallergyfamilies.buzzsprout.com/
Podcast Info: www.FoodAllergyFamilies.com (or Podcast section on this website )

- Your feedback is a gift that I truly value, so please feel free to share thoughts, topic ideas,
or feedback on whether topics explored on the podcast have been helpful. -

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Navigating Tense Allergy Discussions During the Holidays

want more empowering allergy life tips like this emailed directly to you? subscribe to receive "food allergy counselor corner" emails!

The 6 Stages of Allergy Parenting

The Six Stages of Allergy Parenting

New Podcast: Exploring Food Allergy Families

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