Category: Family

The 6 Stages of Allergy Parenting

4/28/2022

Have you ever noticed that so much of the parenting guidance out there is focused on what children are going through at each stage of their development? While that's helpful information for parents to know, it doesn't tell parents what THEIR parenting tasks are for each stage of their child's development.

That's where Ellen Galinsky's work comes in! Her research led to the development of the Six Stages of Parenthood, which focuses on how PARENTS develop at the same time their child develops.

This framework helps parents understand if they're focusing on the appropriate tasks associated with their child's stage of development, are falling behind, or pushing too fast too quickly.

As with any guidelines, they're just that - guidelines. They're not hard and fast rules. However, I think we can all agree that parenting is hard, so any helpful guidance is welcome!

The Six Stages of Allergy Parenting

Adapted from Ellen Galinsky's work, licensed family therapist and founder of this Food Allergy Counselor Directory and website, Tamara Hubbard developed the Six Stages of Allergy Parenting after recognizing that allergy parents could benefit from parenting guidance specific to allergy parenting and the associated emotional aspects.

This purpose of this framework is primarily to offer guidance related to the emotional aspects of allergy parenting, which is often overlooked in allergy parenting guidance currently available. It essentially offers parents a framework to help them develop their mindset and parenting choices for each stage of parenting, which directly impacts their child's ability to learn how to live confidently with allergies. While overall allergy management skills/goals are noted for each phase, the guidance is heavily infused with information related to the allergy emotional tasks helpful for parents to be aware of and/or develop during each stage.

Six Stage of Allergy Parenting chart, created by Tamara Hubbard, LCPC

How to Use this Chart:
The information below explains each column in more depth:

Stages: The names of each stage are from Ellen Galinsky's work. These titles are used to identify the period of time associated with the child's development, but are instead focused on the parental growth process, which happens in tandem with the child's growth process.
Acts As The.... Tamara created these labels to help further illustrate a parent's role and goals for each stage.
Child's Age: Identifies the age and stage of the child's development.
Parents' Goals: Summarizes the overall goals for parents for each stage of their child's development, based on Ellen Galinsky's research.
Allergy Tasks: Summarizes the overall allergy parenting task/focus for each stage of a child's development. Each stage builds upon the previous stages.

How This Framework Helps Allergy Parents:
The Six Stages of Allergy Parenting offers allergy parents a framework to help them better understand how to parent an allergic child throughout the child, teen and young adult years. More specifically, this guidance helps parents with:

Identifying When Emotions Are Getting in the Way: Offers the ability to identify if your own parental anxiety, fear, and overwhelm has actually stunted your child's ability to learn how to navigate life with their allergies OR has resulted in trying to teach your child too much, too quickly in order to calm your intense emotions.
Assessing Their Own Progress: Offers a way to more effectively assess whether you're on or off target with the main parenting focuses for each stage of development, as allergy parenting adds an additional layer to the mix.
Teaching Allergy Skills: Offers a look at the overall allergy management and allergy emotional skills you should focus on teaching your child at each stage. This is important because children learn through scaffolding, or building upon previously learned concepts. Therefore, it's helpful if their allergy AND emotional skills build throughout their development. For example, if a child reaches adolescence and is missing basic allergy management skills, it will be hard for them to reach adolescent goals, such as learning to take more responsibility for their safety and being away from home on their own.
Checking For Emotional and Knowledge Gaps: Offers a framework to help see if you and/or your children need to revisit allergy emotional or allergy management skills. This can often be the case if the last allergic reaction happened many years ago, and you've become more comfortable managing allergies. It's helpful to do a quick check at the beginning of each stage of development to see if you need to revisit forgotten or lost skills from previous stages, fill any knowledge gaps, or assess emotional readiness.

Want More Specific Information on Each Stage?
Stay tuned for more detailed information for each of the six stages of allergy parenting, including specific parenting tasks and potential roadblocks to watch out for. (FAC on IG: @FoodAllergyCounselor, FAC on FB: /FoodAllergyCounselor, and FAC on Twitter: @FACounselor).

[Edited to add the new post: The 6 Stages of Allergy Parenting Explained]

If you want to make sure you don't miss more of this kind of psychosocial information, be sure to Subscribe to The Food Allergy Counselor emails (at the bottom of the homepage or via the pop-up), as well as the FAC social media accounts. And THE BONUS for subscribing to the FAC emails? You'll get the free, 3-page Allergy Anxiety & Overwhelm Mini -Guide.

Think This Chart Will Help Others?
Think this chart will help others you know, or your patients? Please feel free to share it as long as the copyright information is visible.

And if you're needing more allergy-related psychosocial support, don't forget to check out the Food Allergy Counselor Directory, the Exploring Food Allergy Families podcast, the Food Allergy Behavioral Health Resource section, and the allergy-specific therapeutic worksheets.

Do you value the Food Allergy Counselor Directory and the support it provides to the allergy community? Want to see it expand with additional providers? Contact founder Tamara Hubbard, LCPC for sponsorship opportunities!

0 Comments

American Counseling Association Interview on Food Allergy Counseling

12/2/2018

2 Comments

Photo Credit: American Counseling Association/Counseling Today

When an editor for the American Counseling Association's online magazine, Counseling Today, reached out to me a couple of months ago to talk about food allergies, I was not only flattered, but excited that she wanted to learn more about this population.

Her goal? To write an article on how licensed counseling professionals can help and support clients with food allergies, especially those that are struggling to find an emotional balance.

The editor, Bethany Bray, asked thoughtful questions and listened intently to my responses. She truly took the time to put herself in the shoes of those managing a food allergy. After talking for an hour, she definitely had a better understanding of the emotions that many food allergic families feel, and got that this conversation was just the "tip of the iceberg" on this vast topic.

The article, entitled "Supporting clients through the anxiety and exhaustion of food allergies" was published last week. Boy, does it paint a pretty accurate picture! Those that have read it has shared that they felt that it truly hit on some of the emotions that aren't always as well-represented, such as the feelings of burnout and exhaustion.

The American Counseling Association is "the world's largest organization representing professional counselors in various practice settings." Their online magazine, Counseling Today, is read by thousands of counselors, which means the topic of supporting clients with food allergies has been shared with many in this helping profession.

So let's tell them thanks! Consider leaving a supportive comment on their article to let the American Counseling Association (and the editor) know that we thank them for exploring food allergies and sharing tips with counselors so they are better prepared to understand the needs of the food allergic community. (Be sure to click on the article link, in the text above, or posted again below, and leave a comment there so that they see it).

Article: Supporting Clients Through the Anxiety and Exhaustion of Food Allergies

2 Comments

Siblings without Food Allergies - Their perceptions

8/1/2018

1 Comment

Photo Credit: Weebly photos

As a licensed professional counselor trained in family therapy, I am always curious about how various factors impact family systems. The family is like a mobile in which everyone plays a role in its stability. So it's no surprise that the balance can be thrown off by even the simplest of changes.

The addition of a food allergy into a family system often results in major changes that affect most members of the unit. There have been studies done about the impacts on quality of life for parents/caregivers who care for a child with a food allergy, such as SOAAR's research studies on these and related topics. However, I was curious specifically how non-food allergic siblings felt about having a sibling with food allergies.

In order to gain some insight on this topic, I created an informal and anonymous survey* with these seven questions (listed with results below), which was completed by 25 participants:
(Parents were allowed to complete the survey on behalf of those too young to complete it themselves)

How old are you?

0-5 years old = 8%
5-10 years old = 32%
10-15 years old = 40%
15-20 years old = 8%
20+ years old = 12%

How many siblings with food allergies/related illnesses do you have?

1 sibling = 80%
2 siblings = 16%
3 siblings = 0%
4 siblings = 4%

What do you do to help with your sibling's food allergy? (Sample of answers):
Allergen Avoidance

"Growing up I also avoided peanuts. I learned how to use an Epi Pen, too."
"We all eat allergy free on vacation."
"Don’t eat it at home."
"We don't eat certain foods, don't go certain places and are extra careful with the places we go."
"Make sure I don't bring (sibling's) allergens into the house. If we are out somewhere I help my parents make sure nobody else feeds (my sibling)."

Exercise Caution

"Wash my hands a lot and I don’t eat any nuts."
"Wash my hands and face if eat an allergen."
"Wash hands, no sharing food, eat the safe food mom brings to parties - same as big (sibling)."
"Avoid it at home. If eaten outside the home wash hands and brush teeth before any contact with (sibling)."

Label-Checking & Epi Pen Help

"I always ask to read labels. I never eat peanuts around my (sibling). I worry about cross contamination when I have my own "dose" of peanut (M&M)."
"I read the food labels to make sure that it's ok for my (sibling) to eat."
"When (sibling) was younger & if my parents weren’t near, I would check labels for (my sibling). I was very outspoken at gatherings to inform others of (my sibling's) allergies."
"I learned how to use an Auvi-Q."
"Get the Epi Pen."

General Guidance

"Not eat food that isn’t safe for (sibling), help to read labels, sit at the nut free table with (sibling) at school lunch, speak up if something isn’t safe."
"Personally do not eat any of (sibling's) allergic foods, read labels, question restaurant staff, educate friends and family."
"I tell people about (sibling's) allergies & educate as to how to keep (my sibling) safe."
"Tell babysitters and teachers that (sibling) has an allergy."

Do you worry about your sibling because they have a food allergy?

Yes = 92%
No = 8%

What other feelings do you have about having food allergies in your family? (Sample of answers):

Worried or scared about sibling's safety, bullying, and being left out
Fear about what could happen
Stressed
Sad when sibling can't eat what others eat or is left out, and that sibling can't change it
Proud about sibling's bravery
Happy sibling has great people that care
Curious to learn more about food allergies and science involved in it
Annoyed

Do you ever feel you get less attention because you don't have a food allergy?

Yes = 18.2%
No = 54.5%
Sometimes = 27.3%

Please share anything else you'd like to about food allergies being part of your family. (Sample of answers):

"People don’t understand food allergies and always try to minimize it - makes me so mad."
"I get sad because my mom and dad spend much more time with my (sibling) because of his food allergy."
"It really limits our restaurant choices when we go out and sometimes I would love to try new food but it wouldn't be fair for my (sibling)."
"We don't have relationships with some family members because they aren't supportive. We also don't go to some picnics and parties because it isn't worth my (sibling) getting exposed to nuts."
"That anyone with this would do anything to not have it yet people do not seem to care they could die from it. People are very rude and many do not seem to have any compassion or empathy for this as if it’s a choice."
"It’s become a treat for our family. All people abstain from peanut and shellfish. If there’s a opportunity to have something that could be unsafe we have a standing rule that we don’t accept it and then to make up for it we all make a homemade treat to share... homemade's better! It’s become a fun thing."
"I feel we are doing pretty good with the food allergy."

Conclusions and Thoughts....
Food allergies, as well as any chronic illnesses, are a family disease - it impacts each member of the family in different ways, both positively and negatively. Some sibling impacts were highlighted by this brief, informal survey.

Emotions: Based on these survey results, showing 92% of the non-food allergy sibling participants worried for their allergic sibling, it's clear that non-allergic siblings have a variety of feelings about food allergies being part of their families, with worry being a primary one. It may not always be obvious how the non-allergic sibling feels, or perhaps they may not be able to verbally express their feelings. Therefore, it's important for parents to routinely check-in with the non-allergic sibling to assess their feelings and perceptions about food allergies and its impacts on the family. Normalizing these emotions (particularly the ones perceived as "negative"), such as sadness, worry, or even frustration, can be reassuring and help them understand that it's okay to feel that way -- that they're entitled to their personal feelings and it doesn't mean they don't care for their sibling when they feel that way. Siblings may need guidance on understanding how their role can be a positive, empowering one, especially if they're feeling worried or upset. Reminding them that they're an important part of the team and not just on the sidelines of the illness may provide a new outlook that helps them reframe some of these feelings.
Attention: I was particularly curious whether non-allergic siblings perceived that they were focused on less than their allergic sibling. Given that just over half of the siblings (54%) denied feeling they got less attention, it suggests that many feel they get a comparable amount of attention as their food allergic sibling does. With that said, it didn't surprise me that 27.3% sometimes felt they got less attention and 18.2% confirmed feeling that they perceived not having a food allergy equaled less attention on them. Parents of children with food allergies spend a lot of time focused on safety preparations, which might translate to some non-allergic siblings as an abundance of attention being given to their allergic sibling, therefore leaving less time for them. Some kids may make this known, while others may keep it to themselves, so it's important to have this on the radar. Be mindful of finding time devoted to focusing on the non-allergic child. It can also be helpful to include the non-allergic sibling in food allergy preparations so that it feels like the family as a whole gives attention to navigating the food allergy and not just to the allergic child.

Every family is different, so family roles, relationships, and outlooks will vary. But this small, informal survey helped me gain more insight to be able to share with others about the emotional impacts and effects on the non-allergic sibling, which isn't always an area of focus. What are your thoughts on these results - do they seem in line with your family experience? (Curious how dads feel about allergy parenting? Check out this larger informal dad survey and the very honest results dads shared!)

Read More On This Topic:

Siblings of Children with Chronic Illnesses or Disabilities (HealthyChildren.org, 2015)
Siblings of Children with a Chronic Illness: A Meta-Analysis (Journal of Pediatric Psychology, 2002)

*THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO VOLUNTARILY COMPLETED THIS SURVEY. Those who took the anonymous survey were informed on this writer's professional counseling background, the purpose of the survey being for educational purposes, and how the survey results would be utilized in educational materials, such as a blog post. They were told they could reach out to this writer for results if they were interested.

1 Comment

<<Previous

The 6 Stages of Allergy Parenting

The Six Stages of Allergy Parenting

American Counseling Association Interview on Food Allergy Counseling

Siblings without Food Allergies - Their perceptions

Archives

Categories