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Written by Paige Freeman, PhD., a FAC Directory-listed therapy provider and FAC advisor. More information about Paige and her practice at the end of this article. Allergy moms: I have some not so great news. No matter how hard you try, how diligent you are, or how many plans you have- at some point your child will likely be exposed to their allergen. You are not going to navigate this journey perfectly, no matter how many precautions you put in place. And for many of us, even if we were to get it perfect we would still beat ourselves up. (For a deeper dive on this, read my friend Heather Hewett’s Allergic Living article here.) Here are just a few things allergy moms feel bad about:
Do you notice a theme here? So many times in our allergy world, there are no good solutions because there are pros and cons to almost every decision. Adding to this is a lack of consistent messaging about how to manage food allergies and an overload of input from social media on the multitude of different ways families handle their own allergies. Self-Compassion
Compassion is defined as being moved by the suffering of others. Self-compassion is recognizing that your suffering is difficult and acknowledging the pain. You can’t ignore your pain and feel compassion for it at the same time. If self-compassion is difficult for you, I’d like for you to think for a minute about how you talk to your child about their difficult thoughts and emotions, or about a mistake they have made. Now imagine talking to your child in the same manner you talk to yourself about those same thoughts and emotions and missteps. As you picture talking to your child the way you talk to yourself, ask yourself some questions:
Notice, Name and Normalize
Notice: Get curious about what your mind is telling you. Observe the thoughts, emotions, memories, etc. that are coming up. It is helpful to complete the sentence, “I notice my mind is telling me…” (Remember that you are observing your thoughts, not judging them). Also notice what is going on in your body. Does your chest feel full? Do you have a lump in your throat? Are your shoulders tight? Butterflies in your stomach? Name: Put a name to what is happening. Maybe emotions of shame, guilt, anger, vulnerability, or self doubt are showing up. Maybe it is a feeling of deep tiredness. Maybe it is a memory of helplessness. Maybe the only thing you are experiencing is pain in your lower back. Whatever it is, after you notice what is happening in your mind and body, then name it. For example, “I am noticing my chest feels heavy”, “I am noticing deep shame”, or “I am noticing regret”. And then acknowledge the difficulty of it. Acknowledge that it is painful. Naming this can be as simple as, “This is difficult” or “This is exhausting”. Normalize: When we are in the midst of suffering, it is helpful to remember that suffering is a part of the human condition. Our highly evolved brains are hard-wired for suffering, and the more we try to avoid experiencing discomfort, the more it sticks around. Although our specific circumstances are not always the same, humans have the shared struggle of deeply painful experiences. In the food allergy space, there are many moms out there feeling very similarly to you. And it is very difficult. So when normalizing you may say to yourself, “This is painful and hard, and difficult emotions are a universal human experience” or “Humans are hard-wired to suffer sometimes. It is normal” Final wordsRemember that this food allergy journey is very challenging, and painful emotions including guilt are common. Please be kind to yourself. You are navigating something that is very difficult, and some self-compassion can go a long way towards healing and living a purposeful life.
Looking for more on this and related topics? Check out: Remember, support is out there if you need it!
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 Lori Moussapour, MA, LMSW 1. What is your clinical background? Social Work; Parenting, Social and Emotional Literacy, Food Allergies, Relationships 2. What state do you practice in? New York 3. Why did you choose to work with clients managing food allergies? As a parent of a child with food allergies, I understand the journey and its inherent challenges. I offer compassionate and informed services to individuals, parents and families who find themselves challenged or limited because of food allergies. I care deeply about empowering clients with food allergies to harness the protective elements of vigilance while mediating the harmful outcomes of prolonged and pervasive anxiety. 4. What's one piece of advice or favorite counseling/mental health-related resource to share with clients? I find it very rewarding to help clients identify the possibility of beautiful and positive outcomes of living with food allergies. While I wouldn't wish a food allergy on anyone, I so admire and respect the many qualities that often evolve in our children. Our kids are more often than not more compassionate, self-regulated and have the ability to do "their own thing" despite what the crowd is doing. I love helping, for instance, parents of young ones see how these characteristics will be valued assets in short time!!! [Lori Moussapour, MA, LMSW is listed in the Food Allergy Counselor Directory. You can find more information about her services, or locate other food allergy-knowledgeable licensed behavioral healthcare providers there.] To learn more about the Food Allergy Behavioral Health Association (FABHA), check out the first "FABHA Fridays" post, or the FABHA webpage. Did you know that there's a growing network of licensed counselors/therapists, social workers, and psychologists that are food allergy-knowledgeable, and may even specialize in working with this population? The focus on food allergy -related mental health is growing. Food allergic individuals and families often express concern over emotional aspects of life with food allergies. With more targeted research studies on this topic, allergists are expressing interest in gaining a better understanding of how psychosocial factors impact life with food allergies and/or treatments. Due to the establishment of the Food Allergy Behavioral Health Association (FABHA), there is now a central hub for licensed clinical behavioral health professionals committed to positively impacting the lives of those managing food allergies. In an effort to highlight this growing network and the importance of acknowledging food allergy-related mental health, "FABHA Fridays" will highlight a brief interview with a member of the Food Allergy Behavioral Health Association, sharing insight into how/why they choose to work with food allergic clients. (Read more about FABHA, including its development and purpose, below). So let's start off with the first "FABHA Fridays" member spotlight!  Fawn McNeil-Haber, PhD1. What is your clinical background? Child & Adolescent; Trauma; Anxiety 2. What state do you practice in? New Jersey-based private practice: 3. Why did you choose to work with clients managing food allergies? As the mother of a child with severe food allergies, it pains me when young people or their parent's are struggling to find a therapist who understands the anxiety and intensity of living with food allergies. Every child should be able to be connected with an experienced therapist who can understand an empathize with their experience. I wanted to merge my knowledge living in the food allergy world and my work as a child and adolescent trauma therapist. 4. What's one piece of advice or favorite counseling/mental health-related resource to share with clients? The Land of Not by J.J. Vulopas is an amazing children's book about choosing to live in the world of what you CAN do as opposed to living in the work of what you CANNOT do. [Fawn McNeil-Haber, PhD (Brave Minds Psychological Services) is listed in the Food Allergy Counselor Directory. You can find more information about her services, or locate other food allergy-knowledgeable licensed behavioral healthcare providers there.] What exactly is the |
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