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Did you know that you can use the perspective of time to help you decide how deeply to engage with an unhelpful or uncomfortable thought, feeling or decision, and that time can help you look at things from a different point of view?  Here's how to use the 5x5 rule to help you gain space between yourself and unhelpful or stressful thoughts and decisions.... Start by asking yourself:
Asking yourself these questions helps gain perspective on how important the thought you're having or decision you're struggling with is - just how much impact it will truly have on your life. Something that's pretty minor (even though it's stressing you out currently) likely won't matter to you 5 days, 5 weeks, or 5 years from now. In that case, give yourself 5 minutes to think about it. In that time, you're going to allow yourself to connect with all the thoughts and feelings you're having, and then once that 5 minutes is over, you'll make a decision that will help you move forward, and/or remind yourself that you're done thinking about that topic because it's not worth more of your energy. If what you're anxious or stressed about is a more major decision that might matter to you in 5 weeks or 5 years from now, then it's appropriate to feel more stressed and anxious about it. In that case, give yourself a specific amount of time to think about it, but then set it aside and come back to it at another point in the future. By doing this, it allows you to take a break from it, but commit to revisiting it at a time when you may be able to process it differently. Here's another approach for using the 5x5 rule.... Ask yourself:
Maybe you're stressed about all of the allergy-safe cooking you have to do for the week ahead. Yes, that may still feel stressful in 5 hours, but will you see it differently in 5 days? Probably! You'll likely feel BETTER in 5 days because you prepared meals today! In that case, remind yourself that you'll be able to see this as helpful once you're removed from the situation, so don't spend too much time overly-engaged in the stress you're currently feeling. When you asked yourself these questions, also think about the following...
Looking for videos on perspective-taking approaches to help build these skills for your anxiety and stress management toolkit (allergy-related or otherwise)? Check these videos out:
want more empowering allergy life tips like this emailed directly to you? subscribe to receive "food allergy counselor corner" emails!And don't forget about ALL of the FAC resources there to support you!
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Have you heard of this useful metaphor for overly-engaging with our unhelpful thoughts? Sometimes our mind gets fixated on certain thoughts, so much so that we can't think about anything else. Or maybe it's not a specific thought your mind is focused on, but rather, a belief or internal rule you've made for yourself about how things need to happen, or a rigid set of expectations. In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we call this concept cognitive fusion. We can become fused with our thoughts, our emotions, a desired outcome - truly, we can become fused with almost anything! One the other hand, the concept of cognitive defusion is allowing room for our mind to consider more flexible thoughts rather than staying overly-engaged with unhelpful ones. A common metaphor or visual that ACT practitioners use to explain cognitive fusion is this (and actually give this exercise a try):
Well, in this metaphor, your hands are your thoughts! Our hands covering our eyes represents being overly-engaged (or fused) with our unhelpful thoughts - typically these are the ones that feel sticky, persistent, and stubborn. When those are present, we tend to become overly-engaged with them. And that cognitive fusion with these unhelpful thoughts then typically gives way to judging ourselves, increased anxiety, stress, overwhelm, unhelpful actions....you get it. But by moving our hands away from our eyes, we were able to see more around us again! And that's the same with our thoughts. We can't delete our thoughts, just like we can't get rid of our hands that were covering our eyes. But we CAN move them or change their positioning, which then gives us a different perspective! Here's an example: You find yourself overly-engaged with the thought that you can't go out to eat at restaurants because the kitchen will always make mistakes.....
Looking for other ways to separate from your unhelpful thoughts? This video is another wonderful visual representation of cognitive fusion, offering additional practical strategies to help you defuse from your unhelpful thoughts. (Recommend this video for teens and older). want more empowering allergy life tips like this emailed directly to you? subscribe to receive "food allergy counselor corner" emails! And don't forget about ALL of the FAC resources there to support you!
 'Tis the season for holiday gatherings....and maybe increased stress, too? The holiday season can feel like a stressful time for many managing food allergy and allergic conditions. The safe food preparation and planning. The logistics of ensuring your child doesn't eat foods that aren't safe. The potentially not-so-supportive and stressful conversations with family members who just don't get it? My hope is that all of you have incredibly supportive and understanding families, who are willing to make safe adjustments to recipes and navigate inclusion without skipping a beat! But the reality is that even in supportive families, there still may be tough conversations about the management of food allergies and allergic conditions. Therefore, here are practical tips for navigating (3) tense allergy-related discussions at (or while preparing for) holiday family gatherings:  "Can't you (or your child) just have a little bite? I'm sure it will be fine!" Especially true for older generations, your family members may not be well-versed in IgE-mediated food allergies and allergic conditions if they don't live with them. And while comments like this can be frustrating, it's helpful to remember that in most cases, the comment comes from a place of love. Use these practical approaches to navigate this scenario in a workable way:
 "I recently read about (insert treatment or trial) and that it can cure allergies! Why aren't you doing that?" With so many clickbait headlines circulating online, your well-intentioned family members may ask if you know the latest food allergy news they recently read about. Again, this is most likely coming from a place of love, but it's easy to experience this as judgement on how you're managing your allergy. Additionally, the information they share may not be accurate or understood accurately. Use these practical approaches to navigate this scenario in a workable way:
 Your family, your in-laws, or partner's family just don't get allergies, which causes friction - and the possibility of not attending This may be one of the more likely scenarios people navigate during holiday gatherings. Whatever the specifics are in your situation, it can be frustrating and exhausting to deal with this, especially if this is the experience for every holiday gathering. As referenced in this FAC blog post on this topic, here are practical approaches to navigate this scenario in a workable way:
 Final Thoughts.... Remember that whatever the stressful conversation topics may be, you have choices. You don't have to discuss things you don't want to. You don't have to justify your allergy management protocols. You can choose to kindly, but firmly change topics! Prepare some canned responses before the family gathering, and try your best to stay connected to the reason for the holiday season over the next couple of months! want more empowering allergy life tips like this emailed directly to you? subscribe to receive "food allergy counselor corner" emails! And don't forget about ALL of the FAC resources there to support you!
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