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Allergy Anxiety & Stress Management Tool: The 5x5 Rule

12/19/2022

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Did you know that you can use the perspective of time to help you decide how deeply to engage with an unhelpful or uncomfortable thought, feeling or decision,
and that time can help you look at things from a different point of view?
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Here's how to use the 5x5 rule to help you gain space between yourself and unhelpful or stressful thoughts and decisions....

Start by asking yourself: 
  • How much will this matter to me in 5 hours?
  • How much will this matter to me in 5 days? 
  • How much will this matter to me in 5 weeks? 
  • How much will this matter to me in 5 years?

Asking yourself these questions helps gain perspective on how important the thought you're having or decision you're struggling with is - just how much impact it will truly have on your life.

Something that's pretty minor (even though it's stressing you out currently) likely won't matter to you 5 days, 5 weeks, or 5 years from now. In that case, give yourself 5 minutes to think about it. In that time, you're going to allow yourself to connect with all the thoughts and feelings you're having, and then once that 5 minutes is over, you'll make a decision that will help you move forward, and/or remind yourself that you're done thinking about that topic because it's not worth more of your energy. 

​If what you're anxious or stressed about is a more major decision that might matter to you in 5 weeks or 5 years from now, then it's appropriate to feel more stressed and anxious about it. In that case, give yourself a specific amount of time to think about it, but then set it aside and come back to it at another point in the future. By doing this, it allows you to take a break from it, but commit to revisiting it at a time when you may be able to process it differently.  


Here's another approach for using the 5x5 rule....

Ask yourself: 
  • Will I see this differently in 5 hours? 
  • Will I see this differently in 5 days?
  • Will I see this differently in 5 weeks?
  • Will I see this differently in 5 years?

Maybe you're stressed about all of the allergy-safe cooking you have to do for the week ahead. Yes, that may still feel stressful in 5 hours, but will you see it differently in 5 days? Probably! You'll likely feel BETTER in 5 days because you prepared meals today! In that case, remind yourself that you'll be able to see this as helpful once you're removed from the situation, so don't spend too much time overly-engaged in the stress you're currently feeling.

When you asked yourself these questions, also think about the following...
  • Did it help you decide that the situation you're stressed about doesn't need to take up so much of your energy? 

  • Did you gain a new perspective on why you struggle with a particular thought or decision? 

  • Did you notice a release of physical stress and anxiety when you looked at the stressful thought or decision differently? 

Looking for videos on perspective-taking approaches to help build these skills for your anxiety and stress management toolkit (allergy-related or otherwise)? Check these videos out: 
  • Two videos explaining the 5x5 rule: for anxiety and for stress
  • Teach little kids the general tool of perspective taking 
  • Explain general perspective-taking to older kids and tweens

want more empowering allergy life tips like this emailed directly to you? subscribe to receive "food allergy counselor corner" emails!


And don't forget about ALL of the FAC resources there to support you!
  • Allergy counseling information for  patients, therapists, allergists
  • Find an allergy-informed therapy provider - most offering telehealth
  • Listen to podcast episodes offering practical and relatable guidance
  • Watch (and listen to) webinars and podcast interviews
  • Explore allergy-focused behavioral health resources
  • Learn mindset strategies from allergy-specific therapeutic worksheets
  • Connect with other allergy-informed therapy providers!
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what to do with anxious allergy thoughts

12/13/2022

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Have you heard of this useful metaphor for overly-engaging with our unhelpful thoughts?

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​Sometimes our mind gets fixated on certain thoughts, so much so that we can't think about anything else.

Or maybe it's not a specific thought your mind is focused on, but rather, a belief or internal rule you've made for yourself about how things need to happen, or a rigid set of expectations. 

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we call this concept cognitive fusion. We can become fused with our thoughts, our emotions, a desired outcome - truly, we can become fused with almost anything!

One the other hand, the concept of cognitive defusion is allowing room for our mind to consider more flexible thoughts rather than staying overly-engaged with unhelpful ones.

A common metaphor or visual that ACT practitioners use to explain cognitive fusion is this (and actually give this exercise a try): 
  • Look around around you and notice what you see 

  • Then, completely cover your eyes with your hands

  • Next, try again to look around to notice what you see (you can't see anything because your hands are covering your eyes, right?)

  • Then, lower your hands down half an inch - just so you can partially see over your hands - and notice what you see around you

  • Finally, lower your hands to your lap, and notice what you see around you

I'm sure you're wondering, "What does covering my eyes and constantly scanning my environment have to do with thoughts, Tamara?"

Well, in this metaphor, your hands are your thoughts! 

Our hands covering our eyes represents being overly-engaged (or fused) with our unhelpful thoughts - typically these are the ones that feel sticky, persistent, and stubborn.

When those are present, we tend to become overly-engaged with them. And that cognitive fusion with these unhelpful thoughts then typically gives way to judging ourselves, increased anxiety, stress, overwhelm, unhelpful actions....you get it. 

But by moving our hands away from our eyes, we were able to see more around us again!

And that's the same with our thoughts. We can't delete our thoughts, just like we can't get rid of our hands that were covering our eyes. But we CAN move them or change their positioning, which then gives us a different perspective!

Here's an example: 
You find yourself overly-engaged with the thought that you can't go out to eat at restaurants because the kitchen will always make mistakes.....
​
  • This is the the unhelpful thought or point of cognitive fusion (which was represented by your hands in the metaphor)

  • When you become fused with that unhelpful thought, your decisions might be made based on that thought alone because you're so engaged with it (which was when your hands were covering your eyes in the metaphor). In this example, this might look like your unwillingness to even consider possible solutions to make eating out safer.

  • But, as you allow yourself to just notice that you're having that thought, yet also notice other thoughts passing through your mind - instead of only focusing on that one unhelpful thought - you'll allow yourself room to look at things differently (which was when you moved your hands away from covering your eyes). In this example, this might look like your willingness and ability to engage in other thoughts that might help you move towards solutions for eating out safely.

Again, we don't have delete buttons in our minds (even though it'd be nice if we did), so the goal isn't to delete unhelpful, sticky, stubborn thoughts. Instead, it's to allow your unhelpful thoughts (your hands) to be there, but not become so fused with them that you can't consider other thoughts (or allow yourself to see what's around you, which can help you gain a new perspective). 

Looking for other ways to separate from your unhelpful thoughts? 
This video is another wonderful visual representation of cognitive fusion, offering additional practical strategies to help you defuse from your unhelpful thoughts. (Recommend this video for teens and older).

want more empowering allergy life tips like this emailed directly to you? subscribe to receive "food allergy counselor corner" emails!


And don't forget about ALL of the FAC resources there to support you!
  • Allergy counseling information for  patients, therapists, allergists
  • Find an allergy-informed therapy provider - most offering telehealth
  • Listen to podcast episodes offering practical and relatable guidance
  • Watch (and listen to) webinars and podcast interviews
  • Explore allergy-focused behavioral health resources
  • Learn mindset strategies from allergy-specific therapeutic worksheets
  • Connect with other allergy-informed therapy providers!
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Navigating Tense Allergy Discussions During the Holidays

11/28/2022

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'Tis the season for holiday gatherings....and maybe increased stress, too? 

The holiday season can feel like a stressful time for many managing food allergy and allergic conditions. The safe food preparation and planning. The logistics of ensuring your child doesn't eat foods that aren't safe. 
​

The potentially not-so-supportive and stressful conversations with family members who just don't get it?
My hope is that all of you have incredibly supportive and understanding families, who are willing to make safe adjustments to recipes and navigate inclusion without skipping a beat!

But the reality is that even in supportive families, there still may be tough conversations about the management of food allergies and allergic conditions.

Therefore, here are practical tips for navigating (3) tense allergy-related discussions at (or while preparing for) holiday family gatherings:
​

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​"Can't you (or your child) just have a little bite? I'm sure it will be fine!" 

Especially true for older generations, your family members may not be well-versed in IgE-mediated food allergies and allergic conditions if they don't live with them. And while comments like this can be frustrating, it's helpful to remember that in most cases, the comment comes from a place of love. 

Use these practical approaches to navigate this scenario in a workable way: 
  • Don't engage in debate. Instead, use it as an opportunity to educate the person. Focus on one or two specific aspects of food allergy management rather than trying to educate on everything. 

  • Lead with facts, not emotions. This can be tough, but share factual data to illustrate your point whenever possible. Others may be more willing to change their perspective when you share data from allergy advocacy and allergy/immunology medical organizations. ​​

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​"I recently read about (insert treatment or trial) and that it can cure allergies! Why aren't you doing that?"

With so many clickbait headlines circulating online, your well-intentioned family members may ask if you know the latest food allergy news they recently read about. Again, this is most likely coming from a place of love, but it's easy to experience this as judgement on how you're managing your allergy. Additionally, the information they share may not be accurate or understood accurately. 

Use these practical approaches to navigate this scenario in a workable way: 
  • Simply thank them. Even if your family member is mis-informed, you can still thank them for thinking of you and/or your child's well-being. Let them know you appreciate their sharing the information, and gently transition to another topic. 

  • Engage and explore mindfully. Consider if it's worth an in-depth discussion. If you do decide to engage in this conversation, be mindful of your goals for doing so. What outcome are you hoping to achieve, and is that realistic? Is this family member open-minded and truly willing to hear what you have to say? What's the benefit to you for engaging in this discussion, and is it worth your energy? 

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​Your family, your in-laws, or partner's family just don't get allergies, which causes friction - and the possibility of not attending
This may be one of the more likely scenarios people navigate during holiday gatherings. Whatever the specifics are in your situation, it can be frustrating and exhausting to deal with this, especially if this is the experience for every holiday gathering.

As referenced in this FAC blog post on this topic, here are practical approaches to navigate this scenario in a workable way: 
  • Build a united front first. If you and your partner don't see eye-to-eye on allergy management, it makes this task much harder. Therefore, before approaching this conversation with family, focus on establishing acceptable solutions you both can agree upon, and commit to dealing with this situation together as a team. 

  • Speaker of the house. You certainly can approach this conversation together with your family member, but whoever's family it is you're addressing this with should take the lead. They're the person who knows their family best. 

  • Focus on facts. This is another situation where facts may yield more results than emotions. It may be hard to do so, but calmly explain your allergy safety protocols and potential outcomes if not followed, using facts from your allergist or reputable sources. Encourage the family member to visit reputable sources online to read these facts and stats for themselves. 

  • Be solution-focused. It's easy to let emotions take over when navigating this situation, but as much as possible, stay focused on developing a workable solution. While it may seem easy to just avoid the family gathering, and that may end up being the final decision, aim to find a solution that allows for safety AND connection with family. 

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​Final Thoughts....
Remember that whatever the stressful conversation topics may be, you have choices. You don't have to discuss things you don't want to. You don't have to justify your allergy management protocols. You can choose to kindly, but firmly change topics!

Prepare some canned responses before the family gathering, and try your best to stay connected to the reason for the holiday season over the next couple of months! ​

want more empowering allergy life tips like this emailed directly to you? subscribe to receive "food allergy counselor corner" emails!


And don't forget about ALL of the FAC resources there to support you!
  • Allergy counseling information for  patients, therapists, allergists
  • Find an allergy-informed therapy provider - most offering telehealth
  • Listen to podcast episodes offering practical and relatable guidance
  • Watch (and listen to) webinars and podcast interviews
  • Explore allergy-focused behavioral health resources
  • Learn mindset strategies from allergy-specific therapeutic worksheets
  • Connect with other allergy-informed therapy providers!
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  • Home
  • Counselor Directory
  • Blog
  • Webinars
  • Podcast
  • Worksheets/Forms
  • Psychosocial Resources
  • FAC Members/FABHN
  • Allergy Counseling Niche Info
    • Allergy Counseling Info for Patients
    • Allergy Counseling Info for Therapy Providers
    • Allergy Counseling Info for Allergists
  • Consulting Services
  • About
    • The Food Allergy Counselor, Inc.
    • Founder, Tamara Hubbard, LCPC
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms & Conditions of Use
  • Contact